


you are the reason

by MaddieandChimney



Series: Tumblr Prompt Responses [6]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Mentions of past domestic violence, buck and maddie finally talk about the day she let him go, buck begins spoilers, non graphic detail
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:49:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29584713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaddieandChimney/pseuds/MaddieandChimney
Summary: “If I could do it again, that part… I-I wouldn’t change it.” She whispers, “I found my way back to you in the end, right?”.Maddie and Buck talk about the day he left Hershey and what it means for them going forward.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Series: Tumblr Prompt Responses [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2129619
Comments: 12
Kudos: 38
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	you are the reason

Secrets are what tear people apart. Holding back is a part of that, which is how Buck finds himself standing in his sister’s apartment once more. The last time he had been there, she had told him a little about Daniel, a little about growing up with him, about what she could remember which as it turned out, wasn’t _much_ but Maddie thinks that it’ll come back in waves when she finally lets herself think of the brother they once had. They’d laughed over memories of postcards sent and he had kept the sadness hidden, just revelling in the feeling of her snuggled into his side and then the joy of feeling his niece kick against his hand. 

Buck felt… almost at peace. _Almost._ There were things they needed to talk about still, things he had stopped himself from saying until he could sort through the thoughts scrambling through his brain. He’d attended therapy, an apology lingers on the tip of his tongue in the fear that he’s done exactly what their parents had done to her, and spoken to a therapist about _her_ problems. It’s different, he hopes it’s different because he had been standing right in front of her giving her a way out that she couldn’t take. Not right then. 

He needed to be honest, they need to talk about the invisible wall between them that will end up crashing down on one or both of them if he doesn’t say _something._ Buck takes a deep breath as he sits on the edge of the armchair, watching his sister shift uncomfortably beneath his gaze as she sits on the couch nearest to him. The guilt is still in her eyes, there’s still a little bit of awkward tension lingering in the air and he wants, more than anything, to start getting through it. “Chimney told me the truth about the jeep.” 

A part of him half-expects her to be shocked, or angry at what could possibly be seen as a betrayal of her trust but instead, she nods her head, “He told me.” She whispers, and it’s enough to make him sit up a little more in the realisation that him knowing wasn’t another secret that had to be kept. “I never wanted you to find out, Buck.” 

“Did your friend know? T-the one who… who gave me the note?” 

That was one thing that had been playing on his mind, going through that moment over and over again in his head, trying to look for any clues he’d missed in his own devastation. It’s Maddie’s turn to take a breath, wiping at the tears that escape before she nods her head, “He helped me and he wanted so badly for me to go with you but he understood how… difficult it is to get out. It was more important for me to have someone to help when I needed than it was to... “ She gulps, both hands falling down to her bump, her eyes closing as though she’s trying to remind herself that she’s on the other side of it all. 

He wants to be angry, he needs _someone_ living and breathing to take it out on but he knows it’s not what anyone needs. He can’t change the past, but he can change the future. He can make sure that Maddie never has to go a day without him and he’ll never have to go a day without her. “When I asked you to come with me, I didn’t realise that it was already _that_ bad.” He frowns, realising he’s coating over it, diminishing it somehow, “I didn’t realise he was already hurting you.” He quickly mumbles, hating the pain that rushes through him at the very thought of everything his sister had been through at the hands of her husband, all whilst he was travelling in _her_ jeep with _her_ money. 

“I didn’t want you to realise.” 

Her answer comes quickly, their eyes meeting for just a moment before her cheeks flush and she shakes her head, “I-I mean… you’re my little brother. I wanted to protect you from the truth, from him because… I knew what he was capable of long before he stabbed Chimney and murdered that innocent man…” She trails off, her eyes moving to fixate on the framed photograph of her very last scan that sits proudly on the unit across from them, as he follows her gaze. “I knew if I went with you, he wouldn’t ever give up and he would find us and it wouldn’t just be me. You needed to be free a-and for a while, I thought I was safer with him than I ever would be without him. I didn’t think it would be fair to ask you to go on the run with me because that’s what we would have been doing. You were already so lost, how could I ask you to spend however many years looking over your shoulder for my husband?” 

There’s silence and he doesn’t think she’s going to speak again until she lets out a trembling breath, wiping at the tears with the back of her hand, still not looking at him, this time, she focuses on the movements of her hands against her bump. “It’s taken a long time to forgive myself for not leaving him sooner, for not… going with you that day, for not taking help when it was offered to me by various people. I-I can see now that I’m on the other side but… I really did think he loved me and I think a part of me felt like… maybe I deserved it? I think that part of myself was always there but he knew… he knew how to bring it to the surface every time. And then I had nowhere to go.” Maddie gulps, “Until one day, I thought he’s going to kill me, I just need to see my little brother one last time. Just to make sure that you were as happy as you said you were in your cards, as happy as you looked… that’s the last thing I wanted.” 

Buck longs to hold his sister, holding back only because she seems more lost in her thoughts and as much as she needs to say it out loud, he needs to hear it. “It was Christmas Day, I undercooked the turkey a-and uh, one of the ornaments on the tree weren’t perfectly aligned. It had to be _perfect_ , but it wasn’t. I wasn’t. When it was over, I-I was… trying to clean up the mess and then I found your card. You were smiling,” He watches the smile on her own face as she remembers, every part of him aching, “and I realised I had to leave. I hadn’t seen you in six years, I wanted to say goodbye.” It’s with a small, sad laugh that she looks around at the apartment she shares with Chimney, “It was the best decision I ever made. I would have kept running until he found me if you hadn’t made me feel safe and loved. You gave me the chance to find my own place in this world by giving me a part of yours and… how could I ever regret any choice made if it led me here? With you… with Chimney, with this little girl who will never know anything but love. We’re surrounded by it every single day.” 

When she finally looks at him, he finds himself wondering if it’s at all possible for his heart to literally break because he can see the pain in her eyes, lost in the memories of a life once lived before he moves to kneel down in front of her, placing his hands over hers where they rest on her bump. “I wish you had told me, I’ll always wish that but you got out, Maddie and it doesn’t matter _when_ because you did that. And I’m proud of you, I’m still so proud of you.” It’ll never not hurt to think about how different things could have been but he knows that life is complicated and people are complex, decisions made aren’t always easy or even right but he knows that everything Maddie has done has been with his best interest in mind. 

He wants to say he could have helped, that he would have fought until his dying breath if he had to if it meant she could be safe but he knows it’s never going to be what she needs to hear from him. So, instead, he squeezes her hands, “You saved my life. I found the people who make me happy, people who make me feel loved. I found my place in the world because you gave yours up.” His voice cracks, shaking off the tears that so long to fall as she pulls her hand from his and rests a hand on his cheek as she looks down at him. 

“If I could do it again, that part… I-I wouldn’t change it.” She whispers, “I found my way back to you in the end, right?” 

It’s with a tear filled smile that Buck nods his head at her, feeling the movement of his niece kicking against his hand, staring at her bump in amazement for a second. Maddie is going to be a wonderful mother, he’s never doubted that for a second but there’s a part of him that knows that something needs to change. Not because she’s wrong but because things are different now. “You’re not alone anymore. It’s no longer me and you against the world, do you understand? We found our happy, we have our family right here in LA with the 118, with this little one. We’re not alone anymore, Maddie.” 

Her thumb brushes at the tear that falls down his cheek anyway, despite his best efforts, her nose scrunching up until she nods her head. He continues, holding up his own pinky with a raised brow and a serious look on his face, “But I need you to promise me that there are no more secrets between us, okay?” 

They both smile when her finger links his and their eyes meet, “I promise. No more secrets.”


End file.
